It is late, and I have school tomorrow morning. The stress of senior year is finally mounting, and I feel I am handling it relatively well. Despite the need for sleep, I feel the need to share a song that I consider to be one of my most personal and one of my works I take the most pride in.
At least a year or so ago, I learned a film titled Ratchet & Clank was going to be released in 2015. The film is based off of a video game series I have enjoyed my entire life, and something about the short trailer struck me. Perhaps it was the nostalgia talking, whispering little words that got me weak in the knees. In the strangest way, I have come to connect with the series’ protagonist, Ratchet, on various levels. Not that I sit around and compare myself to fictional characters all day, but I feel everyone does connect with one somehow. I pondered it for the longest times: our lack of a father figure, our constant confusion as to where we belong. So, this came out of it.
This song, I feel, was a symbol for myself moving past the extremely dark phase I mentioned a few posts back. The depression was cut away with a knife of poetry. And although the song is simple, not too metaphorical, and something that could be very well mistaken for a love song, I still smile when I read it.
Sometimes it’s a rough track
Sometimes I pull my hair
Most times I get it all out, get over it now
Sometimes I spill my guts
Sometimes you’re just too much
Most times I’ll say you’ve got some alpha and omega
This first verse… I just love it. It seems like a bit of a dysfunctional relationship between the two. Our lovely speaker is pulling his hair, spilling his guts, confessing that he gets sick of his friend sometimes. But he goes on to compliment them, saying “Yeah, you’ve got flaws, and I do to, but you’re still sorta cool.”
Do you really think I say “no”, the correct answer?
Smiles can be bigger, but cocking won’t make it much better
Every memory is ink in my farewell letter
Complex for laughs fully loaded can’t be much quieter
This is an instance in which I have no clue what I was saying. But, as I look at it, it seems to be exaggerating these five words: “I’ve always got your back.”
Sometimes I go escape through the trees
Some nights I just can’t stay
With explosions, machines, your insanity
Because I feel the need for early days
Sometimes I need your adrenaline rush
Some days I peek into our hazard’s new place
Light it up, repair us, loving all that we are
And we’re not going anywhere
The chorus is the part that makes me smile a bit. The first half explains, “Yeah, I like to get away now and than. You really are a pain in the ass.” The second half, though, recovers and basically states “I’d rather have your insanity, your problems, your pain, your darkness.” They need one another just to exist. They’re like good and evil, albeit the pair seem to bicker more than lock themselves in an eternal struggle.
Sometimes you piss me off
Some nights arguments will stall
Some nights the prey shall hunt the blood-lusting predator
Sometimes I fall inside
Some months I lose myself
Most years you feel that aura, I just can’t help
The second verse starts with my not-so-typical vulgarity I put within songs. I put a few other words in here that could cause some gasps, but who hasn’t heard a few swear words before?
Anyways, I feel from the start to the “blood-lusting predator” states that the tables always turn. We are at one another’s throats one minute, but the next we are totally fine. The second half is that personal touch I like to add. During the period in which I was bitter and angry and constantly being rude to companions, I feel I “fell inside” and “lost myself”. But some people related to it, understanding that I couldn’t help the anger and destructive attitude.
Trading tools for the arms race each day after day
I hold onto every word, tomorrow or today
Just wish to sew that mouth shut in some sarcastic ways
But I’d trade my whole life for one of those yesterdays
This bridge contains the song’s title, which I have to reveal. The first line is the strangest and could probably be changed. However, it just makes sense. “I’d rather create a beautiful mess than fix what’s already long gone” is what I am trying to say. By that phrase, I’m trying to say that I’d rather move on than keep trying to fix what is already left behind me. I’d rather prepare for the future. The second line? Relatively simple: I’ll trust your words, whether they promise me something tomorrow or today. Another line about being sick of one another is the third. It leads so perfectly into the final line…
But the last line… That’s where I feel the song shines. After admitting they have problems that can’t be fixed, that our imperfections are our scars from life, he says he’d love to have those old days back. Looking at it now, I understand what I was trying to say: it’s another line of pure emotion. It’s an apology to those I’d been so damn dark toward, that I’d insulted and tore apart and left for dead. Even now, I do not feel fully acquainted with those people.
Repeat the chorus, and we are brought to the next and final verse.
Some nights my eyes are light
Sometimes I plan no scheme
Sometimes I fuck it up for your silver-plated faith
Some days I understand
Sometimes you’re a black heart
Most times bullets fly in the dark but it’s for this road
The first two lines are along the lines of stressing, showing that we care, ruining things just to show we love this person. Not in a sexual way, of course. I value friendship far more than love, a form of artificial obsession. But he then says, “You’re a black heart”. This other person still has those dark moments of accusation. However, the “bullets shot in the dark” are chances they both take, and there is a general understanding about them.
And then the bridges repeat, the chorus repeats twice, and my pride and joy titled “Those Yesterdays” ends here. Every bit of the song was inspired by the tracks “Through The Trees” by Low Shoulder, “Just One Yesterday” by Fall Out Boy feat. Foxes, and a few songs I threw out around that time. Usually with songs I would just give a brief explanation and the lyrics, but I simply cannot do that with this song. It is a personal entry into a new beginning for myself, for my whole life.
I’ve learned so much from this song. It is a somewhat painful reminder that we all have our flaws, and that we all have someone who is going to accept it and live with you. I just love it. Thank those fictional characters from a silly video game for the initial idea. I know I definitely do every time I read this song.
In Cities 